I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
