hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
