you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
