Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
