It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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