We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
as a side note pls kill me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
