hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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