Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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