I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
