True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
