i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
