How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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