I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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