I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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