So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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