I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
