if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
