i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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