Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How does one acquire holy water?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
