She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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