i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
