Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
