those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
