It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
