I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
