Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
