I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Boobs are out for the taking
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
