You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
