her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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