What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
