um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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