Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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