I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
