i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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