Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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