You really coming over, don't trick.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
