My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
