Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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