bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
