Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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