Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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