So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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