Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
