If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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