I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
