You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
