Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We have started to decorate penises.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
