Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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