i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
