We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
